Quote of the Day (2014-06-30)

Mr. Smiley's Manager: I don't think you'd fit in here.

Lester Burnham: I have fast food experience.

Mr. Smiley's Manager: Yeah, like twenty years ago!

Lester Burnham: Well, I'm sure there have been amazing technological advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn.

Source: American Beauty

Quote of the Day (2014-06-29)

Mr. B: An optimist says, "The drink is half full." A pessimist says, "The drink is half full, but I might have bowel cancer."

Source: Kids in the Hall

Quote of the Day (2014-06-28)

Michael Bolton: You haven't even been showing up for work, and you got to keep your job.

Peter Gibbons: Actually I'm being promoted.

Source: Office Space

Quote of the Day (2014-06-27)

Archie Bunker: You'd better start mixing toothpaste with your shampoo. You're getting a cavity in your brain.

Source: All in the Family

Quote of the Day (2014-06-26)

Sir Humphrey: "Bernard, Ministers should never know more than they need to know. Then they can't tell anyone. Like secret agents, they could be captured and tortured."

Bernard: "You mean by terrorists?"

Sir Humphrey: "By the BBC, Bernard."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2014-06-25)

Captain John Sheridan: Are you trying to cheer me up?

Susan Ivanova: No sir, wouldn't dream of it.

Captain John Sheridan: Good, I hate being cheered up.

Susan Ivanova: In that case we're all going to die slow, agonizing deaths.

Captain John Sheridan: Thank you, I feel so much better now.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2014-06-24)

"I don't like the opera. What are they singing for? Who sings? You got something to say, say it."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2014-06-23)

Tom Hanks: This is Tom Hanks saying, if you're gonna pick a government to trust, why not this one?

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2014-06-22)

Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.

Westley: You're that smart?

Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?

Westley: Yes.

Vizzini: Morons.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2014-06-21)

Margaret Lord: The course of true love...

Macaulay Connor: ...gathers no moss.

Source: The Philadelphia Story

Quote of the Day (2014-06-20)

Niles: Her lips said no, but her eyes said read my lips.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2014-06-19)

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2014-06-18)

Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!

[they all stab themselves]

Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2014-06-15)

Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2014-06-14)

Marge: Bart, would you like to say grace?

Bart: Yesum!

[Bart says grace in Latin]

Homer: What the hell was that?

Lisa: Bart's speaking Latin, the language of Plutarc.

Homer: [Homer looks blankly] Micky Mouse's dog?

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2014-06-13)

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2014-06-12)

Narrator: Do you want me to deprioritize my current reports until you advise me of a status upgrade?

Richard Chesler: Yes. Make these your primary action items.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2014-06-11)

Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody's follow' us?

Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. - Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

Inigo Montoya: No reason. It's only... I just happened to look behind us and something is there.

Vizzini: What? Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested waters?

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2014-06-10)

A scratch? Your arm's off!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2014-06-09)

Bart Simpson: I want to be emancipated!

Homer Simpson: Emancipated? Why do you want that? Don't you like being a dude?

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2014-06-08)

Dill: After we watch "The Bucket List," remember to cross "watch 'The Bucket List'" off our bucket list.

Source: Easy A

Quote of the Day (2014-06-07)

Follow! But! follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2014-06-06)

George: "I'd rather be dating the blind. You know, you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her."

Elaine: "I think she'd figure it out."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2014-06-05)

[Niles' new ad, which should describe him as a Jung specialist]

Niles: Remember the ad I placed. They have made a tiny little typo. See if you can find it.

Frasier: Niles Crane . . . Hung Specialist

Niles: The rest they got perfectly. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me when it hurts.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2014-06-04)

Juno MacGuff: Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.

Source: Juno

Quote of the Day (2014-06-03)

C. K. Dexter Haven: I'm sorry, but I thought I better hit you before he did. He's in better shape than I am.

Source: The Philadelphia Story

Quote of the Day (2014-06-02)

Narrator: I had it all. Even the glass dishes with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of... wherever.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2014-06-01)

And the Lord did grin.

Source: Holy Grail